Cable News Warrior Gifts

"Why don't you get two TVs, so you can watch Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity?"

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"If we gave them press freedom they'd only want democracy too..."

Classic News.

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

A Journalist's Weapons

Boy defends his last fry.

The sofa freshly made up...

The Art of Bantering!

"Yes, you did close some of your tabs. However, you still have 1,894 open. You're a tab hoarder."

Does your computer have a webcam? Yes. I've fixed it so no one can spy on me. What a tech genius! A band-aid solution that works!

"He's just discovered that out 450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in Swindon using his mums computer."

"Damn it, who ate all the chèvre?"

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'Has the news finished yet?'

Local Report. Now let's go to Frank down by the river. These giant spools of wire rope have arrived at the bridge. Workers will begin replacing weakened wires holding up the bridge deck. A news story about wire ropes supporting the bridge will be controversial. Some people get very agitated by cable news.

There?s a Conflict of Interest in My Conflict of Interest

"You'll get a lot of head injuries but, on the plus side, you won't remember any of them."

"Weather rebuttal."

The Ekert Saga: 'Whoa...you really like cable news, eh, Ekert?'

"And that's tonight's news. . . now for tonight's news rebuttal from Trump."

"The President said he hoped the bill would receive broad bipartisan support from within the Democratic Party."

Fake news on social media

"This is a tough hockey league. I'm just the team's webmaster."

"ER says she was Googling diseases."

"I publish unfettered on the web."

'I can't remember for the life of me why I came upstairs.'

Glenn Beck! First time caller!

Online chat

"Bless this mess: The beautifully tangled reasons you *still* wear wired headphones"

"I'm afraid George won't be in today. He's about to get a repetitive strain injury."

"I'm concerned about the kids diet."

"Getting my daily news fix."

Due to hours of endless video-gaming, the Credner brothers each developed severe cases of PlayStation butt.

All Snack Foods 1/2 off. Every time I try to fight temptation, temptation fights dirty!