Cable Humorist Gifts

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get a longer cable?"

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"What other tricks does he need?"

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

Happy Bifurcation Day,

Champagne at the hunt

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Bacterial Cultural Center

'Dude, that big creepy eye is back.'

DNA Xmas.

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

You inserted donkey DNA into an insect? I made a braying mantis!

Bacterial Culture

"Whoa, whoa – for all I know you contaminated the sample."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Ape Lab. Really?! Those guys are going to test our intelligence?! They want to see if we'll use a ladder to get the banana. They say they're testing our problem-solving ability. Hey, Frank, we can't do the experiment today ... The ladder won't fit through the doorway!

"You say genetically modified po-tay-to, I say genetically modified po-tah-to."

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

'Can you do anything else?'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Whine, whine, whine!' You know what your problem is, Baxter? You're not a team player!'

'Yes, Sir, I'm still testing the new truth serum. I slept with your wife.'