Cable Humorist Gifts

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get a longer cable?"

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"What other tricks does he need?"

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

Happy Bifurcation Day,

Champagne at the hunt

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Bacterial Cultural Center

'Dude, that big creepy eye is back.'

DNA Xmas.

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Bacterial Culture

"Whoa, whoa – for all I know you contaminated the sample."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"You say genetically modified po-tay-to, I say genetically modified po-tah-to."

'Can you do anything else?'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Whine, whine, whine!' You know what your problem is, Baxter? You're not a team player!'

'Yes, Sir, I'm still testing the new truth serum. I slept with your wife.'

As technology improves, clowning sheep is becoming more common.