Cabaret Enthusiast Gifts

"This next one goes out to everyone who wishes I were Bobby Short."

Cow Striptease.

"So. When the cat's away the mouse will play."

Edith Piaf

Liza Minelli.

Moulin Rouge Security

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

I could have danced all night!

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Dog Walking Services

Skiing.

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."