Byzantine Buff Gifts

'I'm not experienced, but I have a PhD in Byzantine history.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Knight Golfing

Theorbo

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

TSA Noah

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

Missing You.

'Look man, no wings!'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"Believe me it's only an apple."

Caption Contest TK

Bible Bloopers

May your Christmas be full of harmony

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

"But Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

'Even More Disciples'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."