Busy Work Critic Gifts

"I hereby empower you, Ambrose T. Wilkins, to water my plans. And let's hear no more talk about how I never delegate authority."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"It's a 670 page questionnaire on how to cut back on unnecessary bureaucracy!"

Who's In Charge Here?

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

Of COURSE I hate to rush around all the time! But I do it so I won't have to hurry later!

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

'They no longer take suggestions but they do offer tissues.'

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

'You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your cart in the parking lot with a laptop.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

"You do understand that I can only offer you a zero hour contract?"

Sign on office wall says: 'Mustn't grumble.' Employee says: 'You have to admit, it's not much of a mission statement.'

'A living wage implies you have a life outside the office. We're not in favor of that.'

'It's the perfect job if self-respect isn't a factor.'

'I'm a firm believer in not going out of my way to give employees the opportunity to test their honesty.'

"Cutting the budget is easy!...All you need to do is get rid of all that wasteful admin...what do they do!"

I Love This Job...Its Just The Commuting I can't Stand.

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"

"Please hold my calls."

"I'm concerned your excellent qualifications might offer less opportunity for saying crap behind your back and could thus negatively impact company morale."