Business Buzzword Fan Gifts

Before we begin, would somebody please bring Jenkins up to speed?

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

''Raining cats and dogs' is just a phrase, Alix.'

"Wow, what a DILF."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

Hostile takeovers in the novelty business.

'Well, SOMEBODY leaked the frog incident to the press!'

"You're all redundant."

'Drive 'em wild with the sweet scent of net profits exceeding forecasts due to higher gross margins and cost-cutting.'

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

Domino Effect of Rising Gas Prices.

Boss, I've got a new idea. And it will totally empower on-demand collaboration and idea-sharing. Not again. It'll synergistically maintain error-free catalysts for change, while progressively meshing stand-alone methods of reconceptualization. Look, I've already told you. You're not getting a raise, not matter how much business jargon you use. But an extra $2 an hour would dramatically generate error-free opportunities for a tax deduction. No means no.

"Head office says that transparency in communicating internally and with clients is of paramount importance..."

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

Business Cliches

"O.K. Will somebody please bring me up to date?"

"This project is evolving well, going forward."

"It's called 'Merger.'"

"What are the prevailing winds?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"I bring you ten faith-based initiatives

'I guess you lost me, Hank, at the point where we jump to light speed, travel back in time and undo the stupid merger that's causing all of our current problems!'

"It's a generational thing, … You're not generating any revenue."

"Frank, you need to start thinking outside the box."

'We're not like other companies, Bill. We actually LIVE our mission statement! Why don't you join us?' 'Get serious, Tom. Your company's mission statement is so vague, slick & devoid of substance that it could be used to justify anything!'

"Eskimos have 100 words for snow. Marketing has 100 ways to say 'New and Improved.'"