Burpee Haters Gifts

"It's true: no more burpees."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

Old Man Journal

'There were some cost overruns on the project that we need to discuss.'

Grumpy Old Men

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

"Not only have my eyes glazed over – they have turned completely into cinnamon rolls."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

Slurpee? Snow White and the 7-eleven Dwarfs.

'What the hell good are new federal regulations if they don't have teeth?'

Urp! Homo Eructus.

Noise Pollution

'Bench-clearing brawl!'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

'No fish, but Junior made his first burp word.'

"I can't believe how COMPETITIVE the job market has gotten. The company I interviewed at today already has 16 employees who can burp the ABCs!"

"You know I hate queues, let's wait for the next one."

Early season snow and the following thaw got all the snowmen grumbling...

"I'm sixty-six – I don't want to see puppets in anything."

'That little fella has quite a burp on him!'

Belching plant

Oh, sure, blame the match, it's always blame the match - Does it look like this was my idea?

'We still need a copy of your husbands death certificate.'

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

'I see a tender, dark bruise coming your way...' (Balm readers)

Bull with a machine game pointing it at the Matador.

Bull Firing Squad.