Burger Detective T-Shirts

Scrutinising a burger under a magnifying glass.

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Don't tell him anything."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

'Mine was stone cold.'

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'