Burger Detective Gifts

Scrutinising a burger under a magnifying glass.

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"Don't tell him anything."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

'Mine was stone cold.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."