Bureaucracy Cynic Gifts

Missing Person Bureau

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Government a la Carte

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

MI5 Press Office

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

'So, you're a little Hitler? You're hired.'

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

"Hello, department of pointless endeavors and redundant futility."

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

"Remember, report itemized deductions on Schedule A on your federal form 1040."

It's Not How Long It Takes, It's How Big It Is

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

Captain of ship, surrounded by rough drafts and scrunched-up pieces of paper, says: 'Dammit bosun, we can't set sail without a coherent mission statement.'

Auditor General.

Inland Revenue Awards - The next award is for the longest time it took to give someone the correct tax code.

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

'They want the medals back. Apparently, you used a Vicks inhaler before going over the top in 1916.'

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

"Now, there are just a few more forms for you to sign, and then we're done!"

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

"Maximum security prison"