Bureaucracy Critics Gifts

Glum parents read document. Woman says: 'The number of parents who can make any sense of league tables has fallen by 0.5 of a per cent.'

'Wake up! You've got to take a new disability test...'

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

'They want the medals back. Apparently, you used a Vicks inhaler before going over the top in 1916.'

"I hate my driver’s license photo."

'Please arrange these in alphabetical order. . . then shred them .'

'If it's any consolation, you're here because the Office of Fair Access wants us to have socially more balanced clientele.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Quality Control

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

"You have a valid social security number, a photo ID, and a credit score. As far as I'm concerned, you exist."

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

'There were some cost overruns on the project that we need to discuss.'

'So, you're a little Hitler? You're hired.'

"Hello, department of pointless endeavors and redundant futility."

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

I might have granted your loan request, if it wasn't written on a beer mat.

It's Not How Long It Takes, It's How Big It Is

"To give him credit...normally I think these staff 'consultations' are a complete waste of time...but he's been in his office all morning working on our ideas."

"Hi, I'm Hugo -- I'll be your compliance officer."

Captain of ship, surrounded by rough drafts and scrunched-up pieces of paper, says: 'Dammit bosun, we can't set sail without a coherent mission statement.'

Department of Infrastructure

Inland Revenue Awards - The next award is for the longest time it took to give someone the correct tax code.

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'