Bureaucracy Skeptic Gifts

'It's not looking good, they've been in there for hours and they still haven't agreed whether to have English or French mustard.'

'Before I can put you in touch with reality, you'll have to sign this release form.'

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'

Health and Safety: Knock (But not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

'Shame...for a nurse she has the right experience, she's obviously caring and committed, but she was let down by her understanding of door handle sanitisation management protocols.'

Officialdom-phobia.

'This is nurse Jenkins, she'll be joining you in March when she completes her 'introducing festive good cheer on the ward' training.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Forget it lads. We've been refused planning permission for this one!'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

'There were some cost overruns on the project that we need to discuss.'

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

Federal Center for the Study of your Tax Return.

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

Captain of ship, surrounded by rough drafts and scrunched-up pieces of paper, says: 'Dammit bosun, we can't set sail without a coherent mission statement.'

'I told him that I was leaving...that I couldn't put up with the endless stream of meaningless paperwork, the mind and morale sapping mountain of procedures and protocols!'

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

'They want the medals back. Apparently, you used a Vicks inhaler before going over the top in 1916.'

Inland Revenue Awards - The next award is for the longest time it took to give someone the correct tax code.