Bureaucracy Skeptic Gifts

'It's not looking good, they've been in there for hours and they still haven't agreed whether to have English or French mustard.'

'Before I can put you in touch with reality, you'll have to sign this release form.'

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'

"After all these years of chucking wood, I can't believe we now have to verify that we actually can chuck wood, and exactly how much."

No loitering.

Health and Safety: Knock (But not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

'Shame...for a nurse she has the right experience, she's obviously caring and committed, but she was let down by her understanding of door handle sanitisation management protocols.'

Officialdom-phobia.

'This is nurse Jenkins, she'll be joining you in March when she completes her 'introducing festive good cheer on the ward' training.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Forget it lads. We've been refused planning permission for this one!'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

Turnkey Totalitarianism

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

'There were some cost overruns on the project that we need to discuss.'

'The trouble with you doctors is that you don't really understand what the NHS is for.'

'So, you're a little Hitler? You're hired.'

"Hello, department of pointless endeavors and redundant futility."

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

Federal Center for the Study of your Tax Return.