Bureaucracy Critic Gifts

'It's bad news I'm afraid. Your illness isn't on our performance targets.'

"Did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

Why the Egyptians stopped building the pyramids.

"Guidance from the DOH on how to see paitents more quickly..."

'It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureaucracy!'

Captain of ship, surrounded by rough drafts and scrunched-up pieces of paper, says: 'Dammit bosun, we can't set sail without a coherent mission statement.'

In Full Compliance With Federal Regulations - Please Help.

'Teaching reading, writing, and arithmetic sounds like a good idea. Let me run it by an educational focus group.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'If we allow you to use exception coding just because someone is a little bit dead then there's no knowing where it might end.'

'Sorry, Benson, but I automatically fire anyone who complains that I'm too autocratic.'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'I'm afraid we've lost all your records but a focus group we consulted was 49% in favour of you being pregnant.'

"Bloated, out of shape, not much use...now where have I come across this before?" NPfIT

Performance Management

Inland Revenue Awards - The next award is for the longest time it took to give someone the correct tax code.

"Supersize surgeries will not prohibit an individual service, this for example is individual No 1347/98c."

Revalidation Will Require Extra Monitoring.

Removed by an Industrial Crane

"I don't think we've time for a risk-reward analysis."

Citizens' Advice: "You didn't hear THAT from us!" "The END IS NIGH!"

Planning Department Door

'U.S. Department of Dumbed-Down Intelligence.'

'Homeless, eh? -- I'll need your zip code.'

'Try to hold on as long as you can, sir -- we'll start operating as soon as your check clears.'

'To the Clerk of Works, Jericho: 'I was passing through your city recently, playing my pipe, when a large section of perimeter wall collapsed, killing many of my rats...''

Government Centre for the Study of Government Study Centres.

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

"We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?"

Great news...The paperwork was in order after all!

'Today's execution may be monitored and recorded for quality-control purposes.'

'I'll get to you in a bit, I've just got to go and make up some figures about waiting times...'

"So you need money for municipal bribes to get your pyramids rezoned for cemetery use."

Bureaucratic Hold-up

Complaints Dept