Bundesliga Benchwarmer Gifts

"No, I'm afraid being the reserve left-back for Widdrington Amateur FC does not guarantee you to get one of the first testing kits."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'This cave is really damp... and squidgy underfoot'

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

Feathered frenzy

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Referee's Free Kick Pack

Spring Training

Athlete

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'Advice? Yep, take your Olympic torch somewhere else.'

"I always thought you blokes were supposed to be impartial."

Olympic Torch.

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

"So ants can lift twenty times their body weight. Big deal. Who can't?"

'The Olympic torch is certainly making a blazing entrance into the stadium!'

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

Help! Made the Olympic trials but couldn't get a product endorsement contract.

'That's impressive, Hanks. Now just 'presto' it right back out of his skill. Geez... And you wonder why you never play.'

Torch Bearer burnt from exploding flame. Staff behind him with petrol can used to fuel up flame.

Isolation Olympics

"I'd love to chat, Al, but I've got to hit the road."

'Dear diary: day sixty, still haven't played. Starting to regret choosing baseball. Over the NBA...'

"I AM at my usual position."

'That's the trouble with parks football - there's not much quality on the bench!'