Budget-cut Detective Gifts

'That's McAfferty, the company's new efficiency expert. He's been sniffing out sacred cows and empty suits all week!'

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

A boy acting suspiciously

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

Unusual Offers

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

Clive couldn't work out who was stealing office equipment...

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

'But what do you sell?'

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

"Skip the ghost stories. Tell us your conspiracy theory again!"

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

Violence on TV.

'I am a bit suspicious...In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'Free Lunch'...'

"...so if my maths serves me right, if I buy four of these it won't cost you anything"

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

'Now that WE'VE found the secret message we will respond by not telling anyone.'

"Hey - didn't I see you on TV last night?"

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Did you see who pushed you?'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

A group of businessmen read a profit chart that reads "Lousy"

"Move along, people, there's nothing to see here."

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"Now he can say he ran it by legal."

'If you are going to be a CSI, you can't say yuck at everything you see!'

"I think this is the last year he'll believe in Father Christmas, he's asking a lot of questions"