Budget-conscious Blinger Gifts

'Was I wrong in thinking that diamonds are a girl's best friend?'

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Affordable housing

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'

Low income vampires.

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

'You never see one that says save some income.'

"The plane will cost $269 million per unit... a little less if we forego the cup holders."

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

'It says take all your medication,if you can afford it.'

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

One upside-down tomato planter. I can't wait for juicy, free tomatoes. It's $23.37 with tax. Not bad for homegrown tomahtas. Plus $8 for potting soil, $15 for the hanger, $11 for organic fertilizer, $16 � Hey! � Where are you going? To the "Pick and Save" market.

Good vision? Save Money - Tiny Type Books.

'Well, Mom - it's about that time when you drive us to school again...'

"I told you that a £50 facelift was a bad idea!"

'I know the club is broke, but this is going too far.'

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

"Our water bill is sky high. You've got to start taking shorter showers."

"Please tell me it's a local call..."

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

Organic or Toxic - It depends what you can afford.

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

"My wife always tells me, 'it's the thought that counts'. But, if I think of anything under £150, heaven help me!"

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

"Nope, still can't afford to buy it."

Woman looking at "Get Well" cards which have been divided into two sections: "Insured" and "Uninsured".

"This is of course a totally fake fur coat and ten thousand dollars is a lot of money, but quality and political correctness cost!"

"If anyone objects to this 'cut price' wedding, let him speak now or call at weekend cheap rate."