Budget-conscious Blinger Gifts

'Was I wrong in thinking that diamonds are a girl's best friend?'

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

Affordable housing

Low income vampires.

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

'It says take all your medication,if you can afford it.'

'You never see one that says save some income.'

"The plane will cost $269 million per unit... a little less if we forego the cup holders."

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

"I told you that a £50 facelift was a bad idea!"

"Our water bill is sky high. You've got to start taking shorter showers."

'Well, Mom - it's about that time when you drive us to school again...'

"Please tell me it's a local call..."

Good vision? Save Money - Tiny Type Books.

'I know the club is broke, but this is going too far.'

Organic or Toxic - It depends what you can afford.

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

"If anyone objects to this 'cut price' wedding, let him speak now or call at weekend cheap rate."

"Nope, still can't afford to buy it."

Woman looking at "Get Well" cards which have been divided into two sections: "Insured" and "Uninsured".

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"My wife always tells me, 'it's the thought that counts'. But, if I think of anything under £150, heaven help me!"

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

"This is of course a totally fake fur coat and ten thousand dollars is a lot of money, but quality and political correctness cost!"

"That's out of my price range. Do you have anything that's free?"