Budget-conscious Traveler Gifts

"Uninsured? That needn't be a problem. We can refer you to a very fine doctor in Ottawa."

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

'The army has such little funding they've cancelled our tour of duty...It's now a back-packing trek of duty!'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

'He must be going economy!'

An airplane with a sardine can opener instead of a door

'They're alright if you like Charlie Chaplin inflight movies.'

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

'And, at those prices, we have two wheel well seats available.'

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Cheapskate Cruises

Expensive greeting cards.

"Now THAT's what I call a budget airline!"

'Any other husband would hire two pairs of skis.'

"This is the last time I let you handle our vacation plans, you cheapskate."

World's cheapest car

Airline Mergers.

"Rome was great – aside from the roaming fees."

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

Basic economy

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Free safety demonstration on board the flight?"

Andy's first airplane experience was marred by his grandmother's stinginess