Budget Banter Gifts

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"I'll need to see your responsible service of alcohol certificate."

'I like the jib of their cuts.'

Budget Cuts

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

"There have been a few cutbacks in the anesthesiology department."

Little Taxes.

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

The New Abnormal

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

"We have no funding for disasters that have not yet happened..."

"My only problem with fiscal restraint is the restraint part."

"We'll be found soon I didn't pay the television licence"

"Cuts, cuts! I said we need more cuts!"

'There's no money to provide 'Care in the Community'...but we have just enough to move him into the carpark!'

"And Boris caims all his spending plans will be financed by winnings on investing £1000 a week in Eurolottery tickets..."

Look thru the hole to see budget savings: 'I don't see anything in there...'

'We have to make massive cuts so we can reduce debt.... which will cut into growth which is needed so we can make massive cuts...'

Jeremy's Allotment

Road to nowhere, made possible by surplus highway funds.

The Inaugural Ball

'The poor economy is hitting everywhere, Have you noticed they cut back on pockets and halos.'

'I came home with $44.75, just enough to pay for dinner out.'

Angry David Cameron

Detour to your house.

Why should I let you leave work, Rudy. Because my shift's over. I've calculated it. Turns out you spend 12.2% of your day mopping. That means in just one month, I pay you more to mop than the price of one Roomba. The Roomba robot would work 24 hours a day if I told it to. Would like a 12.2% pay cut, of shall I rename thee. "Roomba Park"? Goodnight, Scrooge.

"Ofcom says we could get post 3 times a week."

The most popular girl at the dance...

Government Security Breach Reporting Station