Buddhist Practitioner Gifts

"Now that I'm enlightened, I have to admit: I kind of miss the suffering."

Cactus seats.

"Showoff"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

Prison for people who lack imagination.

"Hoarder."

Zenboni

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Buddhist Center

Scheduel.

"It's the witching hour somewhere."

Zen Master Huineng

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

Church of divine healing - Emergency Room.

"People are always saying how stupid it is that the bst practitioners are always promoted and make poor managers....but I think that's complete rubbish...He was a lousy practitioner as well!"

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

"Possible side effects include disharmony, lack of oneness, and blurred third-eye vision."

"Some pilates classes would really loosen you up."

'How's your pilates class doing?'

'And you call yourself a hoop snake?'

Dalai Lama

Zen VD Clinic - one hand clap

If a bear poops in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

"So … ribs for lunch?"

Lawyer-poet-in-residence

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

"All I have is tofu."