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If you keep sitting on your paintings, you're going to become an impressionist!

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'With my parents out of the house, I can finally start my long awaited mural project.'

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

Wow. Totaled. Teen Test Dummy.

'Are you done yet?'

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

"Mmm, processed food. Just like mom used to microwave."

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

The Cartoonist's armoury

Bike Wash

Jackson Pollock.

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

'Forget Normal infections, it's so last year! I put some crazy stuff on youtube and instantly, it went absolutely viral!'

'That brush - how many dpi?'

"We only missed two strategic goals: Supply and demand."

'Are you gonna answer that?'

'Sir, we're txting the enemy!'

'Unfortunately, he's very productive in paintings, not money.'

"Shhh, Daddy's painting – snack time can wait."

Paul Gaugin

Brainstorming!

'Jim has writer's block, which we're all grateful for.'

"Welcome to Kickstarter."

The inventions of baseball

'You need to slow down - use more color.'