Bruised Banterer Gifts

"...I'll bet his dad can beat your dad..."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'Hey, look. This anti hair loss treatment is finally working. My hair's stopped falling out!'

Balding gnomes

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Oh for God's sake just ignore it!'

Musical Accidents

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

'You've had enough!'

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

"Sipsies?"

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

Urp! Homo Eructus.

The less celebrated, but still spectacular, combover eagle.

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

Grange Hildegard.

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

'I'm prescribing Rogaine for your head and Roloss for your back.'

'I hate harmonica music.'

"Not too much off the top, Floyd!"

"It's the big guy."

'You can tell when you're getting older when your ears are hairier than your head!'

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"No one has a higher opinion of you than I do and my opinion couldn't be lower!"

Global Warming: American BBQ.

'I stand corrected...things can get worse.'

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

"Go on, impress me." "I can talk to animals."

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"