Bilingual Banterer Gifts

'Like I told you: French is English spelt backwards!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"I will not tolerate that language in this house. What is it,anyway - Latin?"

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"Sipsies?"

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?