Bilingual Banterer Pillows

'Like I told you: French is English spelt backwards!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

An Archeologic Dig

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

"Care for an oxymoron?"

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

"I will not tolerate that language in this house. What is it,anyway - Latin?"

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"Sipsies?"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."