Bilingual Humorists Pillows

Fart. Le Poot.

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Prize vegetables with rude names.

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Translating Contractor to English

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

"The nomenclature of 'political correctness' is devisive and opens the profession to ridicule!"

'Turner don't use that expression 'Pie int he sky' its sounds ridiculous and don't point!'

A day in the life of a serial mis-pronouncer.

Bomb Pronouns

Jenkins discovers the dark underworld of palindrome chatrooms.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."