Translation Humorists Pillows

'Oh great, this book's in cow.'

Polly txt speak

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Torturing the English Language

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The First Fire Stick

Alien embryo growing in earth.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"She's a miniature."

Giant Monster in Bath

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"He looks just like your husband."

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'