Bilingual Humorist Pillows

"The good thing about knowing both English and Spanish is you're worth twice as much!"

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"The Eggsorcist"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

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The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Prize vegetables with rude names.

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Translating Contractor to English

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

'Turner don't use that expression 'Pie int he sky' its sounds ridiculous and don't point!'

'I could murder a pint!'