Binary Humorist Pillows

"Trust me, anyone who reads this 300,000 years from now will thank me."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Football Chameleon

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"The Eggsorcist"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'