British Humorist Pillows

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

'If you think that's silly, wait till you hear how they pick the Secretary of Defense.'

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

Silicon Vale

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

John Cleese.

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

It doesn't exist in Iran.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

A rainy holiday in Bournemouth.

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"The Scottish Premier is to start using goal-line technology similar to the 'Hawkeye' system currently used in the premier league. It's expected 'Och-Aye' will be installed at all grounds in time for next season."

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

Get Over It, You Remoaners!

William Hague as a punk.

"All the atmosphere of 'Murray Mound' but in the comfort of your own home!"

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

'What's the hardest thing about playing bowls?'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

Dawn French.

Kenneth Williams

"Well Jenkins... I dare say we should have brought a second flyswatter."

"Noooo! B is for Bullocks, B is for Braindead, and Beating Boris on the Bum with a Big Broom.Don't forget that Achmed."

Rowan Atkinson.

"Who's the daddy?"

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'When I started this journey I was a curate.'

Now you can buy shares online. "Buy Cher's What?"

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

He instantly realised that the snake he had stumbled upon wasn't the ordinary, nonvenomous python but the feared Monty Python. However, impervious to British humor, Walter walked away unscathed.