British Humorist Pillows

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

'If you think that's silly, wait till you hear how they pick the Secretary of Defense.'

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

Silicon Vale

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

It doesn't exist in Iran.

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"The Scottish Premier is to start using goal-line technology similar to the 'Hawkeye' system currently used in the premier league. It's expected 'Och-Aye' will be installed at all grounds in time for next season."

Get Over It, You Remoaners!

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

"All the atmosphere of 'Murray Mound' but in the comfort of your own home!"

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

William Hague as a punk.

A rainy holiday in Bournemouth.

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'What's the hardest thing about playing bowls?'

Kenneth Williams

"Noooo! B is for Bullocks, B is for Braindead, and Beating Boris on the Bum with a Big Broom.Don't forget that Achmed."

Rowan Atkinson.

"Who's the daddy?"

"Well Jenkins... I dare say we should have brought a second flyswatter."

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

'When I started this journey I was a curate.'

Now you can buy shares online. "Buy Cher's What?"

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'Thanks to Obama the Nobel Prize has lost much of its prestige. This is the third time I got one in my surprise meal this week.'