English-welsh Humorist Pillows

Welsh countdown

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

Champagne at the hunt

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

It doesn't exist in Iran.

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

A rainy holiday in Bournemouth.

"C'mon man, you got the wrong species."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'What's the hardest thing about playing bowls?'

Evolution

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

Rowan Atkinson.

Kenneth Williams

"Well Jenkins... I dare say we should have brought a second flyswatter."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'Thanks to Obama the Nobel Prize has lost much of its prestige. This is the third time I got one in my surprise meal this week.'

Foreclosure.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

Soldier shooting evolutionary animals.

'If you think that's silly, wait till you hear how they pick the Secretary of Defense.'