Darwinian Humorist Pillows

Evolution

Soldier shooting evolutionary animals.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"The Eggsorcist"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Jurassic Pork.'

Hats and Food

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Scuba cow"

"Yes, one is a dog."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."