English-welsh Humorist Gifts

Welsh countdown

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

Champagne at the hunt

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'Three little kids and their first words. Can you find out which one is the British kid?'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

It doesn't exist in Iran.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

A rainy holiday in Bournemouth.

"C'mon man, you got the wrong species."

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'What's the hardest thing about playing bowls?'

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

Evolution

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

Rowan Atkinson.

"Well Jenkins... I dare say we should have brought a second flyswatter."

Kenneth Williams

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'Thanks to Obama the Nobel Prize has lost much of its prestige. This is the third time I got one in my surprise meal this week.'

He instantly realised that the snake he had stumbled upon wasn't the ordinary, nonvenomous python but the feared Monty Python. However, impervious to British humor, Walter walked away unscathed.

Foreclosure.

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

'If you think that's silly, wait till you hear how they pick the Secretary of Defense.'