Linguistic Comedians Pillows

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

"My feet were killing me."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"It's a swearbox."

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"The last doggy bag."

Prize vegetables with rude names.

Translating Contractor to English

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

Monet At Open Mic Night

"Pansexual"

A day in the life of a serial mis-pronouncer.

"The nomenclature of 'political correctness' is devisive and opens the profession to ridicule!"

'Turner don't use that expression 'Pie int he sky' its sounds ridiculous and don't point!'

'I could murder a pint!'

Bomb Pronouns

Fencing Venn Graph

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."