Broadcast Professional Pillows

TV News. Multiple drenching thunderstorms are forming over the region. What's your weather segment lead-in? "There's a soaker born every minute!"

I guess we should tune in. How could we not? Welcome to Ask Sadie. Tonight is our first show since we've been purchased by News Corp. Let me welcome our new owners by saying: Rupert Murdoch is a greedy @#$% who now owes #$% money to the #$@% FCC. Priceless. @#$%! To be continued …

Nothing is more embarrassing than tripping over the news ticker.

'And now, PBS presents a made-for-Public-TV superhero show - Colonel Canada!'

Trial by Media

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Gay Times...

If nobody had invented graphics

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Local News in Heaven

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

Reporter #6: television.

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'