Breakup Navigators Pillows

"You were the one, but now I need another one."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

This is forever... till death do us part...

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"OK, now what?"

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

The breakup

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

"Thanks for that."

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

"Once we're all vaccinated, will you still want to spend every waking moment together?"

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

"I need a man who will commit."

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"I don't understand... I've scientifically proven that you were wrong. How can you still be mad at me?"

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

"Mother believed in tough love. She was always there for me when I needed a cold shoulder to cry on."

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."