Breaktime Humorist Gifts

Out to lunch.

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

COWMIKAZES

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'I'm on my break, Sam... I'll call you back when I start work.'

'I say, it would be ever so nice if you could hand me my rubber ducky'.

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

"The project must be failing! The manager just suggested I take all the credit for it!"

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'Are salary increases automaric, or do I have to work for them?'

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

'This corn's got dandruff.'

'Forget about going to the store for a bicycle patch. I used one of your nicotine patches.'

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

Company watercooler with a sign next to it: Is This Trip Necessary?

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

"It's my in-tray!"

Punch has a smoking break.

"How much longer are the anesthesiologists going to be on strike?"

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

'The newspaper strike hasn't affected you at all, has it?'

'The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on.'

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

Cloud 10.

'Typical, next door gets an image of Jesus on their toast, and we get Richard Branson!'

"Let's face it, Diana. I'm not good enough for you, and vice versa."

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

Today's highs will be around 65. Today's lows will be getting out of bed and the morning commute.

'By this time next year you'll be with someone new. You'll tell her about today and laugh. You'll laugh that snorty little piggy laugh of yours. She'll throw you out too.'