Breakroom Banter Pro Gifts

"I go that extra mile!"

"This stool shall pass."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'I wanted shorter hours, so he cut my breaks.'

'This makes things very messy. He's claiming he programmed the lunchroom toaster to do muffins.'

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

Beer companies merge.

I heard you're going to Mars to star on some reality show. Yep. Mars One. We launch ten years from now. Ten years? You don't have the attention span to wait ten minutes. In ten years, you'll have forgotten all about this. And when that day comes, I will mock and berate you mercilessly. You'll be dead in ten years. Ridiculing you gives me a reason to go on! Being around you gives me a reason to go to Mars.

"It's the break room, Ed. There are people in there, too. I know it's hard, after all that time working from home, but you're going to have to start getting used to them again."

Yeahhhh, I've goofed-off at the fax machine, laser printer, copier, but I'm a traditionist. Nothing beats the watercooler!

'I'm not naturally dense you know...Its taken years of practice.'

'I think it's time we got rid of the espresso maker.'

'We've run out of paper cups again.'

"No one has a higher opinion of you than I do and my opinion couldn't be lower!"

"I'm getting tired of this same old office grind."

"Experience? I was an on-line financial analyst for nearly an hour."

'I, along with some of the other employees, feel you're abusing the breakroom.'

'I guess if I looked half as good in the morning as her, you'd spend breakfast with me?'

"My business model is the same as my drinking model."

"Get some paddles, stat!"

"If I switched to decaf, I'd lose my edge around the water cooler."

Water: Regular, Premium and Ultra.

"When you're through with that, there's a water cooler on seven that needs emptying."

"I forgot to charge my brain last night so I'm going to spend the rest of the day staring at the wall."