Branching Out In Diet Gifts

"Do you see what you are doing to your mother?"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Mom says I should eat differnt colored foods. I'll have a pizza with jelly beans."

'Now you tell me you've gone vegan?'

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"

"I think I need to go on a diet. I'm tipping the scale."

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

Sugar Maple: Regular/Calorie-Reduced

'I'd like to quit drinking, but it's all I KNOW!'

The Tiny Houseboat Movement

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'I'm concerned about your cholesterol level.'

"Cutting back on meat is hard. Take away the 'M' and you have 'EAT.'"

"Yeah, and what's it to you if I am gluten free?"

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

Firewood for Sale

''Light' beer bottles. Somewhere there's a slob on a diet.'

"I stopped eating beef years ago"

'I'm on a diet -- make it a two-bean salad.'

And what would you recommend for a lapsed vegan?

The day Kevin turned vegetarian.

The next diet fad.

"Heirloom or not, I've got to unhang it because my wife became a vegetarian."

"I don't care if it's a placebo or the real thing. I just want something you take with food."

"I have no idea what gluten is, either, but I'm avoiding it, just to be safe."

"OK...starting tomorrow, I start photographing smaller portions of food."

'She's really serious about dieting this time -- she has a picture of Rosie O'Donnell on the refrigerator!'