Diet Breakthrough Seeker Gifts

'I'm on a diet -- make it a two-bean salad.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

Odd Spas

"Mom says I should eat differnt colored foods. I'll have a pizza with jelly beans."

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'The health plate is low in sodium, cholesterol, and sugar -- the downside is that it's high in styrofoam.'

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

The cake diet.

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

'It's time for drastic measures - I'm taking you off food and putting you on chew toys.'

"My doctor suggested I get less fat in my diet."

'Today's Sermon: Good Cholestrol Vs. Bad Cholestrol'

Healthy Eating Fast

'Inside of me a thin person is struggling to get out. I find that person can be sedated with a piece of chocolate cream cheese cake.'

Doctor's recommend a well balanced diet...

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

Two weighing machines, one speaks your weight and the other lies about it.

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

"Yeah, and what's it to you if I am gluten free?"

'I'm starting my exercise program slowly...I'm pulling on the refrigerator door 30 times a day now.'

"Are you on another one of those crazy crash diets?"

'My gosh, I'm losing my jowls!'

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

'You'll have to forgive my wife.. this is the longest she's ever been on a diet.'

Take It All Off Weight Loss Center

'Say cheese.'

"In for a penny, in for a pound."