Diet Seeker Gifts

Diet plan of the gods

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Did I get this right? Sitting on the PC with beer and crisps made you fat, and that's why you're sitting on the PC with beer and crisps now, looking for a diet?!'

All Natural Nothing

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Dieting Motivation.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"I AM following doctor's orders. He told me to cut back to one cup a day...right?!"

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

"To be honest...if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"I do diet...between snacks."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'