Diet And Wellness Seeker Gifts

'Today's Sermon: Good Cholestrol Vs. Bad Cholestrol'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

Cures for the void.

Laughter Therapy.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'You mean that carrying around this heavy weight belly 24 hours a day isn't enoght exercise, doc?!'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

"I'd like to see something in a size 6...me!"

"Yeah, Charlie wnet to one of those 'mindful outdoor experience' seminars. . ."