Diet And Wellness Seeker Gifts

'Today's Sermon: Good Cholestrol Vs. Bad Cholestrol'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

All Natural Nothing

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Cures for the void.

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

Laughter Therapy.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'You mean that carrying around this heavy weight belly 24 hours a day isn't enoght exercise, doc?!'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

"I'd like to see something in a size 6...me!"