Book Marketing Gifts

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Books. As seen online!

"Stop answering every question with 'You'll have to read my book.' "

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'How fast can you hype?'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Apples for sale

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

CEO with SEO

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"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Dressed for Success!

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'