Book Sales Gifts

"We need a better distribution system."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Larry's used art

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Meet the author"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

The Dorrie Decimal System

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."