Bonus Critique Gifts

Goldman Sacks.

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'I think the global banking sector, drunk on years of excessive bonuses, may need a little more than your 'very angry' T-shirt to make them toe the line.'

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

loan

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"He's a mental-health critic."

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

'We're a paperless office - except for executive bonuses.'

If you want to get big as a radio host, you've got to differentiate yourself from all the other mean, insulting critics. I have a plan. You need to start being nice. That way, you'll really surprise people when you turn on them. That's the stupidest @#$% Idea I've ever heard, you muscle-bound ape! It needs work. Damn. What if I retract the muscle-bound part?

'I want a bigger piece of the pie.'

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

'We've ended up paying our 'golden hellos', golden 'return from holidays' and Prickman wanted a golden 'thank you' after coming back from a toilet break!'

You wanted to see me again, boss? Yes. I realized you never gave me my Christmas bonus. What're you talking about? You're the boss. You give me a bonus, I don't give you a bonus. Exactly. The key word in employer-employee relationship is relationship. One-sided relationships never work, Rudy. I've calculated the amount you would have paid me if you hadn't been taking me for granted for 16 years. Very bad man.

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

"I'm not sure you're taking this bonus cap thing seriously."

The Artificial Intelligentsia

'Such a small bonus.'

Will work for humongous bonus.

He must have given Johnson a rise - he just did a back-flip.

The Evolution of the Bonus

"I've got it! If we don't send Stanley Kauffman any tickets, maybe he won't come!"

"We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

'It must be bonus-time again.'

45% of my bonus goes to taxes.

'In this business you can't motivate top staff with huge salaries. It's the bonuses and share options that really count.'

'This is for a different book.'

Fatcat pay

Guess the size of my bonus and win a free lottery ticket.

Bonus payments.

Throwing Away Music