Bonus Humor Gifts

' and we'll give you a bonus everytime you score!'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

'I think the global banking sector, drunk on years of excessive bonuses, may need a little more than your 'very angry' T-shirt to make them toe the line.'

loan

The board slashed my bonus but let me use my World's Greatest Boss mug as a tip jar.

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

'We're a paperless office - except for executive bonuses.'

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

Goldman Sacks.

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

Experience the regional flavors of 2163 Pigeonhole Lane.

'Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your sudden promotion.'

"The 2.3 billion dollar item, is that before or after the manufacturer's rebate?"

No carbon emissions were realised in the production of my bonus and perks.

"We're using analytics now for our teacher evaluations, and it seems your exit velocity at dismissal time is the highest in the school."

"I don't get it -- what's so bad about a mortgage being under water?"

'Actually, I do like to see them pass the buck ... during profit-sharing time.'

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

"Getting a year end bonus makes me feel like I'm paid fairly for at least this one pay period."

"In these times of fiscal austerity, I think it's important that we all stop asking about my year-end bonus."

'Well £60 million is less than I'm used to. . . but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the bank have?'

'Just give your bonus back, and nobody needs to get hurt.'

'Who screened the career day speakers, Ms Phelps?'

'You got a big bonus, didn't you?'

'So that's agreed then. . . in future you only accept 'grotesquely excessive bonuses' as opposed to 'unimaginably overinflated' ones!'

'I need to be chastised for the size of my bonus.'

'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

'Not to worry, Darling, we're only HALF cut!'

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)

"Did you get a christmas bonus, dear?"

'Good news! Because of economic uncertainties, oil prices are going down!'

Woman asking burglar for a receipt so she can claim the insurance

'Just gifts?... No salary, tips, or business income at all.'