Bonus-loving Humor Seeker Gifts

'Actually, I do like to see them pass the buck ... during profit-sharing time.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

A balloon vendor hands a child his only 'good' face out of many,less than desireable faces.

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

When staffing agencies screw up.

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

'I'm afraid he's a bit tied up right now'

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

Guru Shifted Thinking

The board slashed my bonus but let me use my World's Greatest Boss mug as a tip jar.

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'We've ended up paying our 'golden hellos', golden 'return from holidays' and Prickman wanted a golden 'thank you' after coming back from a toilet break!'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

Jerry, times are tough. I'll take your iou for $75 only if it's written on a $100 bill.

Budget Opticians.

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

You wanted to see me again, boss? Yes. I realized you never gave me my Christmas bonus. What're you talking about? You're the boss. You give me a bonus, I don't give you a bonus. Exactly. The key word in employer-employee relationship is relationship. One-sided relationships never work, Rudy. I've calculated the amount you would have paid me if you hadn't been taking me for granted for 16 years. Very bad man.

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

True confession

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

Antiques roadshow: 'Yes it's definitely Silver'

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"I'm not sure you're taking this bonus cap thing seriously."

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

Axel, as long as you're going to the kitchen, would you get me a beer? I'm sorry, Lance, but the comic strip code forbids teen wolverines from handling beer