Deskbound Laugh-seeker Gifts

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Gay Times...

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

"You calm down."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

'Whomever pulls the sword from the stone will lead this project.'

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'Hard day at work, dear?'

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."