Bonus Buff Gifts

'You got a big bonus, didn't you?'

'We're a paperless office - except for executive bonuses.'

'Well £60 million is less than I'm used to. . . but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the bank have?'

"In these times of fiscal austerity, I think it's important that we all stop asking about my year-end bonus."

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

'Another day. . . another half dozen medical breakthroughs for us to comprehend. . .'

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

Hysterically laughing monster.

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

"Can you do battle with him later?... He's watching, 'Game of Thrones'."

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

loan

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

'He earns less than the Prime Minister...'

"It's a plant based solution."

I'll put my nose to the grindstone and shoulder to the wheel, which reminds me, how's the health plan?

'Someday one of us will look back on this and laugh.'

"Lovely weather for it."

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

"I found a cure for the humongous cold, the extreme cold and the mother of all colds. Why not the common cold?"

Hairy Potter and friend..

'I want a bigger piece of the pie.'

'You say you always give 110% effort-an odd answer for a job as a statistician. . .'

'Well, now that you've found a cure, all our funding will be sent to another division.'

'I need a spell to vanquish Harry Potter hype.'

'Honey, about these motivational notes you've been leaving for yourself...'

"You've hit your goals so well that I wanted to bring by your Christmas bonus."

It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts? The age-old question: Do I enjoy the fruits of my labor or give them to the losers and ingrates who did absolutely nothing to earn them? Fly yourself to Maui and send them a photo of you eating a seven-course meal. That'll encourage them to work harder and earn their own bonuses. Encouragement is the best gift you can give. I really love your show,

'I don't care WHO started it!'

'It must be bonus-time again.'