Body Part Banterist Gifts

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I think it stopped breathing."

Peach flirting with a banana.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"I'm fascinated by body language."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

An Archeologic Dig

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

Wonders of evolution: Same face, totally different meaning.

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'When you approach a customer, don't have your hands in your pockets.'

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"