Banter Buddy Gifts

"When life gives me lemons, I know twenty-six ways to kill a man with a lemon."

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

'I talk to myself because I'm the only one who LISTENS!'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'It was a gift.'

"I guess I just want a guy friend...someone I can talk to about stuff."

'People often say they've 'dined out' on a particular story - we'd like a meal on that basis.'

'Did you spill my pint?'

"Oh, lighten up! How can you possibly think this has become an Irish neighbourhood overnight?"

Peach flirting with a banana.

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

"You know all the best pubs for lunch, Seamus."

Bernie's passport photo was so bad, he was banned in sixteen countries for over five years.

"Will you stop saying I hit a birdie on that last hole! Is it my fault that bird flew into the path of my ball?"

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

"You know, dude, you're my best friend. You may not be the coolest guy in the school. Or the most popular guy...or the smartest guy. But you're in school, you know? And you're all right."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I think the bowler's calling him a f**King k**b-end - yet it's f**king k**b-end all right and the batsman's finger goes up!"

'Blah, blah, blah....'

"Maintenance sex man!"

'You must spend you whole life in here.' - 'No, sometimes I go down to the Crown.'

'We do not tee off in front of the markers.' - 'This is my second stroke.'

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Do you know the Lincolnshire poacher?'

"I tell the truth, and sometimes it's funny."

"I've always treated my body like a temple." "More like a 'bounce house' from what I've heard."

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

"When's the last time you shaved, little buddy?"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."