Banter Buddies Gifts

"Don’t look at me. You’re the one who brought him the newspaper."

"We've been married so long you not only finish my sentences you start 'em too."

"At our age I figure we only have two taste buds left. One for vodka and one for wine."

A confrontation between two boys

'I won't be frittering my bonus away on booze and stuff.' ... 'I'll drink to that.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I think it stopped breathing."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Peach flirting with a banana.

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

The Art of Bantering!